How To Tell Your Partner You Have an STD

Getting diagnosed with an STD can feel traumatizing, especially when you’re concerned about your partner’s reaction. The lack of education and stigma surrounding STDs can make it challenging for your partner to understand what you’re going through. That said, it's important to learn how to tell your partner you have an STD. 

STDs spread through many forms of intimate activities, with some transmitting simply through skin-to-skin contact. Many infections can cause long-term health complications, requiring immediate treatment to prevent serious health concerns. Because of the potential complications, you must speak with your partner as soon as possible so they can get tested and seek treatment. 

Healthy STD disclosure involves proper education, communication, honesty, and empathy. Below, our team from Rapid STD Testing discusses communication strategies for disclosing an STD to your partner. 

Preparing for the Conversation: Understanding Your STD

Your partner is often your safety net. When you receive an emotional diagnosis, you may feel tempted to tell them right away so you can seek comfort. Doing so, unfortunately, can lead to an unproductive and emotionally charged conversation that creates more issues rather than a resolution. 

Instead, we recommend taking a step back and preparing for the conversation first. Here are a few ways you can do so:

• Learn about the symptoms: Understanding your STD signs and symptoms can help you explain to your partner what they may need to look out for as well. Keep in mind that symptoms can vary between genders, and some STDs can lay dormant in certain genders. 
• Educate yourself on transmission risks: All STDs have varying transmission risks. Learn how your STD spreads to determine your partner’s current and future exposure risks. 
• Understand treatment options: STD education also involves understanding how you can treat your infection and what risks it comes with. Some infections, like syphilis, for example, can cause life-threatening health complications when left untreated. 
• Learn about the prognosis: Some STDs are 100% curable with a single-dose antibiotic, while others remain in your system for the rest of your life, so you want to understand this prognosis in advance. 
• Emotionally prepare for the conversation: After fully educating yourself on the STD, you can begin emotionally preparing for the conversation. You may need to address feelings of guilt or shame to feel more confident going into the discussion. 
• Choose the right time and setting: You don’t want to approach your partner when they’re stressed or busy, as this will only create more tension. Instead, pick a calm, open, and private time to discuss the sensitive topic. 
• Prepare for different reactions: Your partner could respond in many ways, so you want to prepare for different reactions, like shock, anger, or disappointment. Keep in mind that their reaction often stems from shock and fear for their own sexual health, so you should give them time to process the information.

Communicating With Honesty and Empathy

When deciding how to tell your partner you have an STD, you need to prepare what you’re going to say. You can practice the words in the mirror or say them aloud so you don’t get too nervous. You can even practice how your partner may respond to prepare for the conversation. 

When your planned time comes, sit down with your partner and tell them directly. You want to initiate the talk by being direct yet sensitive. Tell them that you have an STI or STD, which one you have, and any other details you wish to include in the initial few sentences. 

Beginning this conversation can feel overwhelming. We recommend the following tips:

• Be direct: First and foremost, you want to begin the conversation by being direct. Beating around the bush will only confuse your partner and delay the conversation. Instead, explain that you need to talk to them about something important, then tell them your diagnosis. 
• Balance facts without too many personal details: Your partner will want to know the necessary educational information regarding the STD, like its symptoms, transmission risks, treatment options, and prognosis. You can explain all of these facts to them, but you don’t need to delve into private details about your past relationships, as this may start arguments. Instead, focus on present information that requires their attention, like whether or not they should get tested and how they can seek treatment. 
• Allow them to talk: Your partner will likely have a few questions and things to say. You don’t want to dominate the conversation, so after presenting a few facts, shift to active listening. Allow them to voice their concerns, ask questions, and talk about their opinions so they can engage in the conversation. 
• Be ready to answer their questions: Remember that all the questions your partner asks are valid, so be prepared to answer. Your partner could ask questions regarding the STD, like whether or not it’s curable, or they may pry you with more personal questions regarding how you contracted it. Be prepared to explain whether or not you believe you contracted it from your partner or someone else, as honest answers can help you maintain relationship trust.  
• Stay open and honest: You must stay open and honest throughout the conversation. Both you and your partner may be responsible for carrying the STD from a previous relationship, as some infections do not present symptoms immediately.
• Provide emotional support: You likely experienced a lot of emotions when you first learned about your diagnosis, so you can expect your partner to have a similar reaction. You want to provide your partner with emotional support as they respond to the information so they don’t feel as isolated. 

Dealing with your partner’s emotions can be the most challenging aspect of disclosing an STD. If your partner responds negatively, you should listen to their concerns and then give them space. Remember that they are not wrong for responding in a fearful way. 

Your partner may initially react with shock, anger, judgment, and fear. Getting upset with them for this response will only make the situation worse. Try to remember that you likely felt similar emotions when you first learned of your diagnosis, so just because they’re angry doesn’t mean they’re angry at you. 

Moving Forward: Next Steps After Disclosure

Now that you know how to tell your partner you have an STD, let’s move on to what comes next in your relationship. Some relationships struggle to recover from the arguments that can ensue after an STD disclosure, but this doesn’t need to be the case for you and your partner. 

You’ve already approached the conversation in an open, honest way. Now, you need to continue building your relationship by following safe sex practices and seeking medical consultation as a team. 

We recommend the following next steps after disclosure:

• Seek medical advice together: Neither of you should feel isolated in your treatment and recovery journey. Instead, you should both encourage each other to visit your healthcare providers for the necessary treatments. You can help each other schedule visits, drive each other to appointments, and even get tested together in the future by ordering same-day STD testing from Rapid STD Testing. 
• Discuss safe sex practices: Moving forward, you may need to shift your sexual activities to incorporate safer practices so you can prevent transmission. Discuss how you will incorporate safe sex into your normal routine. For example, you should use a condom and consider getting tested for STDs on a regular basis. 
• Rebuild and maintain trust: A relationship can survive after disclosing an STD, but you will need to rebuild any lost trust by each showing your full cooperation in remaining honest. Honesty can be challenging, especially if one of you was unfaithful, but displaying your openness allows you to move forward. You can maintain this newfound trust by staying honest about your feelings, doctor recommendations, test results, and more. 
• Seek support resources: Couples dealing with STD disclosures have numerous resources and support groups at their disposal. For example, you can go to couples counseling to work on your communication and trust-building strategies. Support groups can also help you connect with other couples going through similar situations. 
• Get tested regularly: After going through this relationship hurdle, you and your partner can make a pact to get tested more regularly. For fast and discreet results, order a 10-panel STD test from Rapid STD Testing. 

Educate Yourself and Get Tested With Rapid STD Testing

Deciding how to tell your partner you have an STD can feel overwhelming. At Rapid STD Testing, we offer numerous educational resources on just about every sexually transmitted infection to help you learn about your diagnosis. If you or your partner need to get tested, order a rapid STD test from Rapid STD Testing today, then visit a local clinic to receive your results in one to two days.